Every now and then, you go for a “health checkup” to know about your physical well-being. Likewise, it is important to do a “relationship check” to assess the state of your relationship with your spouse. Neglecting your relationship can allow small issues to build up, and before long, you might realize that you aren’t connecting as well as you used to. Love isn’t something that comes naturally; it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. As Erich Fromm says, “Love isn’t a feeling, it is a practice.”
To nurture closeness and ensure that you’re in the right relationship, rather than just going through the motions, ask yourself the following questions to see if you’re still on the right track:
- Do you and your partner fight with increasing frequency?
If you find that arguments have become more frequent, ask yourself what the source of the conflict is. Addressing issues early can prevent them from escalating into larger problems. Letting small problems linger can lead to resentment and a gradual loss of loving feelings toward one another. - Do you feel that your emotional needs are not being met?
This is a crucial question. When emotional needs go unmet, it can have a destructive effect on the relationship. Often, we start to believe that our partner doesn’t care as much as they used to, leading to a “why should I?” attitude. Before these negative thoughts take root and deepen the divide, it’s important to have an open conversation with your partner. They might feel the same way, so approaching this issue with a willingness to listen and understand can help bring positive changes. - Do you feel you are no longer a priority?
When someone feels unimportant in a relationship, they may seek validation elsewhere, which can create more problems. Sometimes, partners may not realize how their actions are perceived. It’s important to discuss these feelings honestly. In the rush of everyday life, you might still be a priority to your partner—they just may not have had the time to express it. - Do you feel there is more to life than your current relationship?
Do you find yourself frequently feeling restless or fantasizing about being in another relationship? If this becomes a regular pattern, it could indicate deeper issues that need addressing. Find activities you both enjoy and make an effort to engage in them together at least once a month. Doing so can help rekindle the bond and keep the relationship vibrant. - Are you physically frustrated?
Physical affection is an integral part of a healthy relationship, yet it’s often overlooked. A complete lack of touch and intimacy can lead to a disconnect, whether or not you realize it. Take small steps to reconnect physically—give your partner a gentle touch, sit close during conversations, or share a hug after a long day. These small gestures can help rebuild physical and emotional closeness. - Have you had to stop being yourself to maintain peace?
If you feel like you must change who you are to keep the relationship going, it might be a sign that you are not being fully accepted. When a partner continuously tries to change you, it sends a subtle message that you aren’t good enough as you are. While compromise is part of any relationship, it’s essential to distinguish between changing behaviors and losing your true self. Staying in a relationship out of fear—whether of societal judgment, parental disapproval, or simply the fear of being alone—can lead to a life that feels unfulfilled. Focus on developing your own interests and hobbies; when you are fulfilled, you’ll have more to bring to the relationship.
Relationships Take Work—And Teamwork
Relationships require effort, or, let’s say, teamwork. Two unique individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, and preferences always make for an interesting mix. Compromise, communication, and consideration go a long way in keeping a relationship healthy. Developing your own interests can give you more to offer within the relationship, while prioritizing fun and regular communication prevents assumptions and misunderstandings. Don’t let monotony and routine take over your connection. Step outside of the everyday grind and find ways to enjoy each other’s company.
Remember, as Mahatma Gandhi said, “Where there is love, there is life.” Make time for love, and life will flourish in your relationship.
Every storm in a relationship is a chance to strengthen your bond—hold on, communicate, and grow together through the challenges.
Dr. Nida Maqbool
Dr. Nida Maqbool offers compassionate and effective support for couples struggling in their relationships at Care Corner. With her expertise in relationship counseling, she helps partners navigate challenges such as communication issues, trust concerns, and emotional disconnects. Dr. Maqbool creates a safe, non-judgmental space where couples can openly express their feelings and understand each other’s perspectives. Using evidence-based techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), she guides couples toward healthier communication patterns and stronger emotional bonds.
Her goal is to help couples rebuild trust, reignite their connection, and develop the skills needed for a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
